an engineer's Child Pose

    I have to admit, studying engineering has helped me to build a perfectionist, type A personality. I am taught to solve any problem that comes my way and co-ordinate everything including my life, to avoid problems so everything goes smoothy... Or so I used to think :) 

    During my forth year in the university, I was facing a break-up of my then 3 year relationship. That was a problem I couldn’t figure out a solution for. No matter how many theories I applied, this was an emotional problem. It was right then that I’ve started my hatha yoga classes. Although I’ve started yoga for the breathing exercises for my asthma, in a very short time I started experiencing and enjoying its deeper effects. 

    One day, our instructor introduced us “Balasana” - The Child Pose. A really simple looking posture with extraordinary benefits. The pose itself was easy enough to get into, since my legs were rather flexible and my heels would touch my hips. But then the instructor asked us to relax our tommy, shoulders, arms, spine and let go of all our thoughts from our third eye to the ground ... Now this was tricky, here I was thinking over and over what I’ve done wrong, what I could do to mend my relationship in any way, and this woman was asking me to let my thoughts flow out of my mind.... HOW ??? 

    Sometimes, when we are stuck in a thought or a problem, we find it very hard to get out of ourselves - even for a minute. It’s like a cul-de-sac, no where out and just impossible to let go. My mom usually advises me to imagine myself floating high above and look at myself from above. This way one can see the situation easier. That is exactly what the child pose did for me. Every session I let go more, some more and some more. And finally I could let it go, all of it. As I let go of my body  I could also let go of my prisoning thoughts. I began to see the situation differently and finally I found a way out. 

    Today, I teach yoga as well as practicing it. I always include child pose in our sessions and make sure I remind my students to try to let go... Rather than the headstands, handstands, shoulder stands, my all time favourite pose has become the Child Pose. Letting go of old and comfortable can seem very hard most of the time. But it is utmost necessary to open ourselves for the new. 

    I may be able to solve or handle very complex projects as an engineer but child pose always reminds me that sometimes, in order to complete-solve something, you need to let go, relax and look at it from above. We just need to be open enough to let go once in a while...

Freedom ...

 Have you read “Alice in Wonderland”. I’ve truly enjoyed the movies and the animations but never got around to reading the original book. Still, it’s very often that i run into some quotes from the book, my favourite being : 

“ Alice  : Which road do I take ? 

  Cashire Cat : Where do you want to go ? 

  Alice : I don’t know. 

  Cashire Cat : Then...... It doesn’t matter !”

    I’m in a place where having had the precious work experience, I can stop and decide what I want to do with my life. I have an amazing husband who always supports me, amazing parents and sister who are always there for me and wonderful few friends who know me better than myself, to advise me to take this break just to sit back and listen to myself. Well, the first thing I did, when I quit work was to declare that “I’m free to do anything!!!” That’s true, I’m free.... But doesn’t the idea of freedom come with a huge package of self doubt ? Well mine did. So now I’m not sure if being free to choose, is actually a good thing. 

    Since I was very little, someone has always been by my side to choose for me. Choosing what to wear, which school to go to, which exams to succeed in, which country to have an exchange in, which university and department to study at and alas where to work..... So now, I’m having a very hard time to choose... Even to try new things, I can’t choose where to start . When my husband and my sister push me just to make an effort to start somewhere, I came across this quote and loved it. In very short sentences, it explains perfectly that we shouldn’t over think. Does it really matter where I go ? Does it really matter which road I choose, considering I don’t have any idea where I’m going ? 

    Just like in yoga... I’ve been practicing hatha yoga since 2004, started for my asthma and got my teacher training in 2009. Now every session in itself is like this quote, reminding me not to take it so seriously. And it’s very ironic that the asana that I feel most Free in, is for me the hardest asana - Urdhva Dhanurasana. So in order to get into that asana, I have to really warm up, then silence my mind and really turn towards myself, so when i’m in the asana, I can fell free instead of the fear and self doubt.

    I think it’s a luxury to be free to choose what to do in life. We just need to remember, sometimes, “it doesn’t matter” which road we take, as long as we are free and brave enough to take the first step. And feeling free is always possible if we remember to warm up, loosen the mind and listen to ourselves, wherever we are...

I am not my Feeling(s) ...

I have been practicing the idea “I am not my feelings”…. Well it does make sense I am not “anger” or “ happiness” or “sorrow” or “excitement"…. I am a Being, living day by day … But the truth is, it is not as easy as writing it down. Most of the time “I am angry” “I am sad” ….

When we say out loud the way we feel, we don’t realize that we are actually personalizing that feeling as ourselves.

Today for more than a thousandth time I came face to face with the very real fact that I’m living a life that my parents thought is best for me – and as can be expected I’m not the happiest most of the time. Every time I realize this truth, I try to make myself believe that I’m right by being “angry” and since I'm angry someone else should be responsible for it. But what I would like to do is just to sit, look at that anger – where it’s coming from – and just to solve whatever is making me have this temporary feeling … well, who knows maybe I will be able to do it someday, but for now I’m still working at a job that I have never enjoyed for the past 7 years …

Just like the feelings, we are not our jobs, we are not the people we have in our lives, we are not the accomplishments we achieve in life …. These are just thoughts or beings or energies that we call towards ourselves. Well then I don’t think I should be calling anger or the shame that comes right after it :)  are we aware of what we are calling for ourselves? We always call for the best things for the people we care about – but what about me ?

During this questioning of my true feelings and trying to realize that they are just never-lasting feelings, my best teacher is my puppy BIDIK :) he is a Yorkshire terrier who was born on the 1^st of may :) It’s been exactly one week since M and I picked him up and since then we have been doing our outmost best to make him happy… but see the thing is, Bidik is always happy!!!! Even when he’s hungry, he feels hunger but he is still playful and happy!!! Even when he’s taking a car ride with us, he feels fear but he’s still very happy :) He is amazing.

I know that 29 going on 30 is an old age to enjoy the everlasting Love of Bidik but I think we are very lucky to have him :) Just hope he learns everything he needs to learn from us, just like I’m learning so much, from him just Being Here Now :)

our choices...

I just realized that I haven't been writing to my blog for almost a year:) Sorry, but i've been busy reading, following and posting on twitter. Also I run a yoga studio now - yogaEvi. The website is in turkish, just like our classes, since we live in ankara, Turkey !! Well still you can e-mail me about the english hatha, yin or prenatal yoga courses :)

I have been following many yoga studios' twitters and today I came across with this :

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Well it made me think ...  Do we really know, what we are choosing? Or even deeper : does it really matter? As long as we don't stay put, as M says : "even the worst decision, is better than no decision" :) 

Then I also came up with this, let me know what you think ;) 

 

do you make wishes ?

do you make wishes?
I like to get up very early in the morning, when air is still and silent, and magic is all around... Then I make a wish... A bright wish, from my heart, for the Good...
This morning, I was awaken by a wonderful soul - our Greatuncle, he was very much alive and shining.... Just like whenever we honor him by talking about him, he managed to calm us down, with a little smile on his bright face ... I asked him, if it was a dream, and he let me hug him.... He was there, soothing us, smiling to say "everything's going to be fine" .. I woke up relaxed and sure of all the "good" that's on it's way. Then I made a wish ... A wish, for health... A wish for joy... A wish for light and brightness in our lives ...
I just heard - read about -  the good news.... I do believe, everything's going to be fine ... I don't know if Uncle Ozdemir was here to bring the news or ... He certainly is very peaceful and he is here, with us...
People we care about, doesn't matter if they're relatives or friends or just people in our lives are so very important. And I believe, when we care about someone, we tend to create good intentions for them. Just like "Making a Wish"... I like to say it out loud : I love Ebru... I love Banu... I love Yengem !!! "Love" has such an amazing power that I feel like as long a I think about the people I love, I'm creating this white-bright protection ball around them ... I know it's very cartoon-like... but honestly that's how I feel...
Maybe, that's how we need to feel. Maybe every morning we need to start the day thinking of the people we care about and make a wish for them, for their good... Imagine all the bright, shining intentions we'd be sending to the universe... and all for the people love !!!

Today, I wish for health.... I wish for joy ... I wish for all the best, for everyone in my life !!!! Best for every great soul, who's touched my life in one wonderful way or another... Today and everyday.... I'm making wishes and believeing in them ...

Let's all make a wish, a bright wish form our hearts...
A magical wish for the best, for everyone we love ...

Begin with a Wish..... Begin from Heart ...