I have been practicing the idea “I am not my feelings”…. Well it does make sense I am not “anger” or “ happiness” or “sorrow” or “excitement"…. I am a Being, living day by day … But the truth is, it is not as easy as writing it down. Most of the time “I am angry” “I am sad” ….
When we say out loud the way we feel, we don’t realize that we are actually personalizing that feeling as ourselves.
Today for more than a thousandth time I came face to face with the very real fact that I’m living a life that my parents thought is best for me – and as can be expected I’m not the happiest most of the time. Every time I realize this truth, I try to make myself believe that I’m right by being “angry” and since I'm angry someone else should be responsible for it. But what I would like to do is just to sit, look at that anger – where it’s coming from – and just to solve whatever is making me have this temporary feeling … well, who knows maybe I will be able to do it someday, but for now I’m still working at a job that I have never enjoyed for the past 7 years …
Just like the feelings, we are not our jobs, we are not the people we have in our lives, we are not the accomplishments we achieve in life …. These are just thoughts or beings or energies that we call towards ourselves. Well then I don’t think I should be calling anger or the shame that comes right after it :) are we aware of what we are calling for ourselves? We always call for the best things for the people we care about – but what about me ?
During this questioning of my true feelings and trying to realize that they are just never-lasting feelings, my best teacher is my puppy BIDIK :) he is a Yorkshire terrier who was born on the 1st of may :) It’s been exactly one week since M and I picked him up and since then we have been doing our outmost best to make him happy… but see the thing is, Bidik is always happy!!!! Even when he’s hungry, he feels hunger but he is still playful and happy!!! Even when he’s taking a car ride with us, he feels fear but he’s still very happy :) He is amazing.
I know that 29 going on 30 is an old age to enjoy the everlasting Love of Bidik but I think we are very lucky to have him :) Just hope he learns everything he needs to learn from us, just like I’m learning so much, from him just Being Here Now :)
